Rocktoberfest 2019

The Gallery (Pendergrass-Murray Recreational Preserve)

I got the opportunity to truck down to the Red River Gorge this October 11th to catch up on the sport climbing I missed this summer. A sort of re-do in the wake of a blown A3-A4 pulley this past July.

Sixth in line to warm up. Jan can barely contain his excitement.
Sugar Rush (Chocolate Factory)

Still learning how to climb again, warming up at The Chocolate Factory. Climbed some uninspiring 5.9s and then shambled over to Glass Elevator, Oompa, and Loompa. Josh is apprehensive about his nagging shoulder injury so he decides to warm up on a 5.11a around the corner, just to be safe. The crag is packed, as expected.

Kendra and Cam waiting in line at the crack of dawn (aka 11am)

Cam cranks through Glass Elevator like a champ and teaches a lesson on efficient pump recovery on Oompa. Kendra onsights Glass Elevator. We all fall on Loompa because solidarity. But, you know, I could've redpointed if I really wanted to. Instead I one-hang all the 5.10s like a scrub. #butimnotaclimber

Cam cruising through The Glass Elevator (Chocolate Factory)

I tried to forget about ticking climbs and focused on appreciating the majesty of the frosty overhang that is home to powerhouses Golden Ticket and Pure Imagination. It worked for a second. Apparently Alex Megos and Carlos Traversi were cranking there, but I didn't get to get my celeb-worship on.

Josh, Maude, and Atlas practice their sending-face in front of Golden Ticket (Chocolate Factory)

As the day draws close I make myself useful taking a few more snaps and offer to mule all the ropes and draws back out the crag as training for my upcoming Kilimanjaro trip. Somehow, relentlessly offering to carry everyone's gear is both helpful and annoying at the same time. That night I missed another chance to celeb-worship because I have face-blindness. Cam clues me in later that I was behind Michaela Kiersch at a gas station at 11pm. She was buying cupcakes. (note to self: research cupcakes and their effects on sending 5.14c).

Maryam clipping on Oompa (Chocolate Factory)

October 12, 2019 Ticklist, aka Hall of Shame
Augustus Gloop	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > BRRP > Chocolate Factory	5.9 Sport
Chocolate River	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > BRRP > Chocolate Factory	5.9 Sport
Sugar Rush	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > BRRP > Chocolate Factory	5.9+ Sport
The Glass Elevator	Lead / 1-hang	Red River Gorge > BRRP > Chocolate Factory	5.10d Sport
Oompa	Lead / 1-hang	Red River Gorge > BRRP > Chocolate Factory	5.10b Sport
Loompa	Lead / 1-hang	Red River Gorge > BRRP > Chocolate Factory	5.10c Sport

...

Day two we decided that the Chocolate Factory gets too busy so we should go to this hidden gem known as The Gallery instead. No one could have possibly foreseen that there would be a crowd there. I warm up on 27 Years of Climbing as Cam and Kendra warm up on Murano.

Maude positions herself perfectly on 27 Years of Climbing (The Gallery)

I wait on line for Murano for awhile before getting far too impatient. Preacher's Daughter opens up so I shyly tie in for my first 5.11 of the trip. Temps are brick and even as I cruise up the line my frozen toe pops off way above the protection and I blow what would've been a solid onsight. This was my first time being belayed by Josh so I idly counted the number of draws that flew past me as I settled into the whip. Naturally, I was an oasis of calm.

Kendra corroborates my report on the rock temperature.
Murano (The Gallery)

Cam and Kendra have cleaned up half the crag by now and scoot off to project Gold Rush as I try not to derail the send trains going on on Murano, Johnny B. Good, and A Brief History of Climb. We then shamble over to Gold Rush and we watch Cam and Kendra build it up piece by piece. I contribute by playing with Atlas.

Atlas demonstrates how to pull hard on jugs

I tie in for Gold Rush like a dead man walking to his hanging. I give it a fair burn up to the last good jug before cheesing up bolt-to-bolt until the chains. I get complimented on my serenity. Internally, the screaming was LOUD AND INCESSANT.

Kendra making the moves out the roof on Gold Rush (The Gallery)

We all put up sends on Guernica. I make new friends with Adrian and Mike as we head out. We all get proper spanked by Gold Rush and so we take it out gruesomely on several Miguel's pizzas.

October 13, 2019 Ticklist
27 Years of Climbing	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.8 Sport
The Preacher's Daughter	Lead / 1-hang	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.11- Sport
Murano	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.10c Sport
Johnny B. Good	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.11a Sport
Gold Rush	Lead / Fell/Hung	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.11d Sport
A Brief History of Climb	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.10b Sport
Guernica (to first anchor)	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > PMRP > Gallery	5.11a Sport

...

All SUVs are all-wheel drive, right? ... Right?

Day three was a rest day for me and Jan since we were staying two more days. Cam torqued his knee funny on Gold Rush yesterday so obviously plays it safe by warming up on a 10b. Mike comes back to Gold Rush with a vengeance but unfortunately tweaks his A3 pulling the last move. Kendra 1-hangs Gold Rush which sort of blows my mind. Maryam redpoints A Brief History of Climb and Guernica which doesn't blow my mind because she crushes way harder. We all drive back to the airport to drop off the majority of the group. Bittersweet goodbyes.

#vanlife

...

Day four was my self-appointed try-hard day. I woke up early from a fever dream where Jan onsighted all my projects and then the line got too long for me to even try them. I considered the consequences of smothering Jan in his sleep. I decided I didn't want to drive back to Cincinatti alone so I relented. Adrian joined us as we warmed up at The Hideout on the softest climbs known to man.

Jan and Adrian warming up on Boltergeist (The Hideout)

We march over to Solarium where there's a three-party line on Banshee, my nemesis. Adrian and Jan express some impatience. Panicking from my earlier dream, I refuse to leave my spot in line until it frees up. By the time I tie in I have become a bundle of nerves. I overcome both cruxes and absolutely invade the hueco rest with such single-minded drive that would've made Genghis Khan proud. My heartbeat somehow acoustically resonates inside my new rock home.

Jan and Adrian look down as I size up Banshee (The Solarium)

Adrian valiantly attempts a true onsight of Banshee and ignores my sweet traverse beta but punts off before the hueco. Jan becomes a student of both our sends and flashes Banshee. I'm not jealous at all. We head around the corner to all onsight Bathtub Mary. I hate crimps and runouts so naturally I pick a crimpfest climb and skip a crucial bolt entirely. Adrian helpfully lets me know that I would've died should I have fallen.

Adrian in danger of winning every '90s fashion award.
Bathtub Mary (The Arsenal)

Solarium clears out in the afternoon so we head back and I give Delicatessen the ol' college try. I meet a gal named Crystal who just onsighted it. I order the full beta spraydown. I commit it to memory and shadow-climb the line from the ground, galvanizing every move in my mind. I tie in and immediately blank on every single hold. I ugly-struggle my way through the roof and whip twice as Adrian who's belaying me is probably cursing how much I ate for breakfast. We all give it a burn and then wrap up with Air-Ride Equipped. Adrian and Jan complain their way up the climb as if that was the key to onsighting or something. As we shamble back to the parking lot, both of them cheerfully recount how fun it was.

October 15, 2019 Ticklist
Boltergeist	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Hideout	5.10a/b Sport
Cruisin' for a Bruisin'	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Hideout	5.10d Sport
Banshee	Lead / Flash	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Solarium	5.11c Sport
Bathtub Mary	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Arsenal	5.11a Sport
Delicatessen	Lead / Fell/Hung	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Solarium	5.12a/b Sport
Air-Ride Equipped	Lead / Flash	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Solarium	5.11a Sport

...

Day five is our last day. Mike's finger feels a bit better so he joins us. The day starts off with torrential rain so we decide to hit up another guaranteed-empty crag, Bruise Brothers Wall. This time surprisingly, it actually is empty. We clip our way up all the dry lines at the far right as the sun teasingly peeks through the clouds.

Mike economically pulls on only as much as he needs.
Critters on the Cliffs (Bruise Brothers Wall)

We walk a bit over to the rest of the Bruise Brothers climbs and Adrian goes up Hey There Fancy Pants as I punish myself with Jungle Trundler. Both are wildly crimpy and even though I onsight Jungle Trundler, Fancy Pants still kicks my ass. I figure out the beta avoiding as many crimps as possible and then send it ground up. The 6'-6" Adrian is confused that there was a crux at all.

Adrian channeling his inner albatross. The squawking noises were a bit unnecessary though, I felt.
Hey There Fancy Pants (Bruise Brothers Wall)

I sell Mike and Adrian on Methane Rising since the .11a part is the roof jug haul. We were tight on time since we were flying out. They haul up and we pack up and say goodbyes before dropping them off at Miguel's. Me and Jan hit the dusty trail back to Cincinatti airport and dreary, rainy New York City where I begin my new cupcake diet.

Mike employing everything except his blown tendon on Methane Rising (Bruise Brothers Wall)

October 16, 2019 Ticklist
Ohio Climbing	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.8 Sport
Workin' for the Weekend	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.10c Sport
Return of Manimal	Lead / Flash	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.10d Sport
Critters on the Cliff	Lead / Flash	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.10c Sport
Jungle Trundler	Lead / Onsight	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.11a Sport
Hey There Fancy Pants	Lead / 1-hang	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.10c Sport
Hey There Fancy Pants	Lead / Redpoint	Red River Gorge > Muir Valley > Bruise Brothers Wall	5.10c Sport