Almost Heaven 2021

Take me home to the place where I belong (New River Gorge, West Virginia)

A horrendous 4am carbon monoxide alarm jolts our day as Angela and I roll out in the twilight to meet Jan, Maryam, Mike, and David down in West Virginia. Nine hours later we hike into Summersville Lake and despite a whiskey hangover and appalling lack of sleep I crawl up my first climb, Chewy. Jan day-flashes Narcissus with style to spare. When the crowd clears up I tie in and procedurally whip off the crux. My elbow tendonitis flares up and I humbly learn my place good as a greenhorn to the New River Gorge.

Jan looking casual on 5.12s now (Narcissus, Narcissus Cave)

Mike plays tour guide for us damn Yankees (Summersville Lake, West Virginia)

September 19, 2021 Ticklist
Chewy	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Long Wall	5.10b Sport
Narcissus	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Narcissus Cave	5.12a Sport

...

We're starting the dog tax nice and early with this chaste and pure photo (Butcher's Branch, Kaymoor)

You might as well also get accustomed to these fellas they were everywhere (Butcher's Branch, Kaymoor)

Day 2 my expectations are tempered and sleep is had. I belay David and Angela up a heady runout and they learn why it's called Flight of the Gumby. Me and Jan try Lost Souls and both get summarily whipped. We scoot down to Seven Eleven Wall and I get the living snot squeezed out of me. Not sure if it's my quiet whimpering or desperate screaming on Scenic Adult but Jan decides to pass after witnessing the performance. We hike over to Rico Suave Buttress and Angela and I go up the titular climb. Maryam, Jan and I give Pockets of Resistance some burns before we all go home with a sad and shortened ticklist.

September 20, 2021 Ticklist
Flight of the Gumby	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Butcher's Branch	5.9+ Sport
Lost Souls	Lead / 1-hang	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Butcher's Branch	5.12a Sport
Scenic Adult	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Seven Eleven Wall	5.11c Sport
Rico Suave	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.10a Sport
Pockets of Resistance	TR / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.12a Sport

...

Tying up loose ends today. Temps are brick as I send Ange up Long Wall before we head over and I onsight Satisfaction Guaranteed thanks to Jan's pre-hung draws. We meet at Narcissus Cave and set up camp to siege the eponymous climb. Maryam stitches it together as I fall at my new low point on my first run. Maryam is psyched to burn again and my mirror neurons get me pumped. I somehow send despite epic pump and zero expectations. We head over to the Coliseum and Me and Jan swing burns on Tobacco Road until we get tired of being spanked.

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September 23, 2021 Ticklist
Menace Alert	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Long Wall	5.9+ Sport
Satisfaction Guaranteed	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Satisfaction Wall	5.11a Sport
Narcissus	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Narcissus Cave	5.12a Sport
Narcissus	Lead / Redpoint	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Narcissus Cave	5.12a Sport
Tobacco Road	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Coliseum	5.12a Sport
Tobacco Road	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Summersville Lake > Coliseum	5.12a Sport

Jan onsights 5.11d easy steezy (Under the Milky Way, Long Wall)

Maryam gets a payment of slack for those reachy clips (Narcissus, Narcissus Cave)

Every crag has those crusher sectors. One day I will climb the hard grades here! (The Coliseum, Summersville Lake)

Angela keeps Pluto busy... or is it the other way around... ? (The Coliseum, Summersville Lake)

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The whole crew is here today at Butcher's Branch. A moderate warmup later I tie in and punt at the last crux of Lost Souls. I send Jan up and he cruises it in style. The next go is a sure thing for me... until I fall at the second crux. Mike and David smash some climbs here and there as I work myself up to try one last time. It somehow goes thanks to the support of my frens.

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Jan goes off to project Thunderstruck as me and Ange clean up the rest of the crag. We meet up later and I one-hang draws for Maryam on Pockets of Resistance. She works out her beta so of course I'm mirror-psyched to try again. It goes down as the sloppiest send in the history of the climb but a tick's a tick.

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September 24, 2021 Ticklist
Green Piece, The	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Butcher's Branch	5.10b Sport
Lost Souls	Lead / 1-hang	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Butcher's Branch	5.12a Sport
Lost Souls	Lead / Fell	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Butcher's Branch	5.12a Sport
Lost Souls	Lead / Redpoint	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Butcher's Branch	5.12a Sport
Pockets of Resistance	Lead / 1-hang	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.12a Sport
Pockets of Resistance	Lead / Redpoint	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.12a Sport

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We start at White Wall today. I go up and hang the draws on Thunderstruck and come down convinced it's impossible to send. Jan proceeds to day-flash it. We head over to Rico Suave and Maryam puts down Pockets of Resistance. Angela finally gets back into the climbing flow and redpoints Almost Heaven and Rico. I spend three attempts and an existential meltdown but manage to thankfully send Preparation H.

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September 26, 2021 Ticklist
Almost Heaven	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > White Wall	5.10b/c Sport
Thunderstruck	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > White Wall	5.12b Sport
Thunderstruck	TR / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > White Wall	5.12b Sport
Preparation H	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.12a Sport
Preparation H	Lead / 1-hang	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.12a Sport
Preparation H	Lead / Redpoint	New River Gorge > Kaymoor > Rico Suave Buttress	5.12a Sport

Cruxing in the middle of a slice of sunlight learning the movement of a New River Gorge (Low Voltage, Butcher's Branch)

Jan's alien hip mobility grants him a casual rest on this monster of a climb (Thunderstruck, White Wall)

Pluto is back and still is a hit with the ladies (Rico Suave Buttress, Kaymoor)

These living koosh balls cast a striking shadow (Kaymoor, New River Gorge)

This millipede is double-c thicc shoe for scale (The Green Piece, Butcher's Branch)

In a tall land of long reaches this smol contender with the heart of a giant throws her hat into the ring (Almost Heaven, White Wall)

Where I come from the saying goes 'yellow and black, stay the hell away' (Rico Suave Buttress, Kaymoor)

Is the secret for sending to stare the anchors the f*** down until they come to you? (Preparation H, Rico Suave Buttress)

...

I feel like ass and 5 lbs heavier from chugging Emergen-C on the daily. I make a quiet decision to only climb 5.10 but of course seeing Jan almost onsight Starry psychs me and I tie in for an exploratory burn. I crux out hardcore but somehow get lucky and dunk on a sinker jug at the end.

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September 27, 2021 Ticklist
Floaters	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > First Buttress	5.10d Sport
Lady Punk	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > First Buttress	5.10c Sport
Starry	Lead / Flash	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > Third Buttress	5.12a Sport
Coffindaffer's Dream	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > Third Buttress	5.11- Sport

...

Rest days are spent swimming in the lake. Honest to god I don't need sends, just give me happy days like these.

Diced to the socks, peeled out of his tree, etc. (Whipporwill, Summersville Lake)

"Draw me like one of your Czech girls" -Jan, probably (Summersville Lake, West Virginia)

Mike recovers from climbing days by spending his rest days climbing (Whipporwill, Summersville Lake)

Maryam tops out on her boulder problem (Whipporwill, Summersville Lake) 

Trust me, I'm a structural engineer (Whipporwill, Summersville Lake)

Sometimes there's nature, sometimes here's a bridge (Summersville Lake Bridge, West Virginia)

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I convince myself today to climb up Meathead to get some photos of people. I peel off the start but onsight the rest of the climb. So robbed. It goes downhill from there as I whip off Cross Eyed and Blind. My onsight grade lowers further and further.

Ok Ange gimme your best owl impression (First Buttress, Meadow River Gorge)

Maryam focused on sending this tricky line (Upper Meadow, Meadow River Gorge)

Maryam pulls upwards through the mille-feuille of rock (Starry, Third Buttress)

David cruxing for the 'gram (Starry, Third Buttress)

September 29, 2021 Ticklist
Italiano Vero	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > Third Buttress	5.10a Sport
Meathead	Lead / Redpoint	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > Third Buttress	5.11c Sport
Lamda	Lead / Fell/Hung	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > First Buttress	5.12b Sport
Cross Eyed and Blind	Lead / 1-hang	New River Gorge > Meadow River Gorge > Upper Meadow > First Buttress	5.11a Sport

...

Our first visit to Cotton Hill today as I put Ange and David up Essence. I take a spin and push my onsight grade lower again as I fall off 5.10c. I try the 5.10d climb to its right and have a great time. Later, Bryan Smucker the first ascentionist of the climb contacts me and we both agree that the grade needs to be lowered. Great.

 

October 1, 2021 Ticklist
Essence	Lead / Redpoint	New River Gorge > Cotton Hill > Cotton Club	5.10c Sport
Orchestration for a Dance	Lead / Onsight	New River Gorge > Cotton Hill > Cotton Club	5.10d Sport

David can you stop tickling that roof and climb it already? (Essence, Cotton Club)

Under the belly of the whale an easy essence campus to the chains (Essence, Cotton Club)

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Our last day brings us back to the lake for a final hurrah. I pull on some terribly hard things that make me rethink why I climb. A somber mood as we're all coming to grips with leaving for good. We pack our bags and have one last night together before the long drive home. For a brief two weeks were were in almost heaven. Until we meet again, I'll miss everyone dearly.

Fall colours set in, it's time once again for change and the end of our visit (Summersville Lake, West Virginia)

The gang finally pulls itself together for a group photo (Summersville Lake, West Virginia) 📷: @m3rmalade